Morning routine

I have recently been reading a lot on various ways to manage anxiety. One of the most commonly written about things has been the suggestion that a good morning routine can really help get your mind in the right place for the day ahead. With that in mind, I have decided to give a few of the suggestions a try. I will be documenting my progress with this over the next few weeks. I am aware that I will find this process difficult as I have never really got on well with overly structuring my life, but if there is any chance it can help it is worth a try.

Making the bed.

This is something that I never do in the mornings, ever. It has been suggested that quickly making your bed in the morning can benefit you in multiple ways. First, it gives a very quick sense of achievement. I’m not overly convinced by this as it is, after all just making the bed. Second, it helps you to have a clear mind. I can see this being the case more, as it is known that tidy surroundings help contribute to a clearer head.

Although I’m not really convinced that it will help, I am willing to give this a try. It should only take a couple of minutes each morning so I really have nothing to lose.

Freezing shower.

This is something that I have read about a lot, and have considered before. The health benefits of swimming in cold water or otherwise immersing one’s self in it are well known. From stimulating the brain and heart to making sure your pores are closed. This may require taking a hot shower at another time of the day in order to ensure proper cleanliness or alternatively just turning the water to cold for a couple of minutes at the end of my regular shower.

As I have read about this more than once, I am completely willing to give it a try.

Get moving.

Excercise first thing in the morning has been suggested to me a number of times. The biggest piece of advice I have been given on this though is to not overdo it too early. Doing 5 to 10 minutes of exercises such as press-ups or sit-ups when you wake up is more than enough to get you fired up in the morning. Save the gym or your run for later in the day.

Drink water.

This is something everyone should do as soon as they wake up, even if they don’t have problems with anxiety. After 7 or so hours of sleep, the body is getting very dehydrated. A glass or 2 of water as soon as you wake up is vital to starting your day off well, it is even more important than eating breakfast. I would advise keeping a glass or bottle of water by your bedside so that you can drink as soon as you wake.

Write something.

The power of getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper cannot be underestimated, it has proved to be invaluable to me as a way of combatting insomnia. It is also a great way of getting your brain ready for a busy day. Just spending 5 minutes getting some thoughts down, write about literally anything will help set you up for the day ahead.

These 5 things are the suggestions I am going to start using for my morning routine, depending on the success of this I may add more later.

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After the feelings

This is going to be a really quick post. I need to get some things out of my head.


 

Having realized, during counselling, that I indeed had feelings for my best friend, my actions towards and interactions with her changed. Now that I feel as though I am at least in part over these feelings, I am left wondering if my behaviour of the past few months has done irreparable damage to our relationship. She, as far as I am aware, has no idea of the reasoning behind my behaviour. Can I now tell her? Should I have done so before now? I am conflicted and concerned.

The only reason I didn’t say anything previously is that I thought that was selfish on my part, and I didn’t want to have any sort of negative effect on her marriage. Previous rumours about the two of us, though false, have created this fear in me.

A part of me thinks that if I tell her what has been up she will be completely supportive and we will move on together, but my anxious mind says that I have done so much damage to our friendship that this explanation will not be well received.

I have no idea what I’m going to do or if it is even worth attempting to explain myself.

Is all of this my fault?

If you have read this blog before you may be aware of the problems that my best friend and myself have been having. All of these problems have arisen from the complexity of our relationship, a friendship with a degree of romance that can never be.

I have spent almost every waking hour over the last few weeks trying to work out how this happened. Is this my fault?

Two of my closest other friends, my weekly cinema buddies, are also close with her. I know that the whole situation is highly frustrating for them, and from what they say it is equally upsetting for her as it is for me. With this in mind, I am confused as to why we haven’t sorted ourselves out. I have no issue with her at all, if anything I feel like I maybe care too much. Supposedly she has no issue either, according to our mutual friends. You would think that this being the case everything would be fine.

It sometimes feels like everything with us works better outside the workplace, like being around other people like we are at work doesn’t help the situation. Too many people have an opinion on us, without having the slightest idea of our past. Until last week one of our closest friends didn’t have any idea how close we once were, he said it sounded like we were almost a couple at one point. Maybe this is the problem, did I give the impression at any point that that was something that I wanted? If so, did that cause this weirdness?

I can’t help but think that I am completely at fault for all of this. Unfortunately, it is currently far too awkward for me to question her, so I’ll just have to deal with it the best I can.

Running can be more than just exercise.

I love to run. I have found it to be not only a good way to keep fit but also really helpful in the battle to control my mind. This last weekend I went for a run along one of my usual routes, the old railway line between my hometown of Calne and Chippenham. Usually, I would run the 10km there and then 10km back, this time, however, I walked back. When running I listen to music or podcasts, on this walk though, I decided to just listen to nature.

The effect a walk like this can have on your mental state is remarkable. I am often wary of going on long walks because I am prone to overthinking, I so often descend into a place of darkness because of it. This walk, however, was so calming that it has given me a whole new outlook. The peaceful nature of my chosen route only served to help this.

My best friend – part two

Find part 1 here: My best friend – part one


Is it possible to talk to someone every waking hour for 6 months, and then go to not speaking at all in just one week? Yes, yes it is. Is it possible to fix this? Absolutely.

After weeks of friendship by proxy, having our mutual friends pass messages to each other, yesterday, the old smile was back. Almost as if none of the previous months had happened at all, the laughing, smiling and waving just happened. No talk as to what had gone wrong previously, and, in fairness, I don’t care. Part of me will always wonder what exactly has changed, my feelings are still the same, I don’t know if anything has changed on her end.

In all honesty, I know that I have been stupid this last couple of months. I have just been so scared of letting my feelings be known, I now realise that I don’t need to. The amazingness of a relationship like this is worth far too much to risk. The intention now is to just allow this move forward naturally, there’s no need to force it.  I’ve missed out on so much time with the person I love the most through both my and her fears. However uncomfortable and awkward it may be currently, or it gets in the future, I hope I act in a more mature way. If I do this then at least I know I have done all I can.