The coffee problem

Whenever I feel myself getting stressed or anxious, one of the first things I like to do is get a cup of coffee. This is initially all I need to calm down. My level of attentiveness shoots up and my productivity increases dramatically. Unfortunately, this boost in energy and alertness comes with a major downside, the big increase in stress hormones such as cortisol. This coupled with the blocking of happiness hormone production tends to actually lead to an increase in my anxiety. The big issue is that when my anxiety levels increase, all I want to do is to drink more coffee, further fuelling these issues.

Scientifically speaking, there are studies that support this. The effects of caffeine on people with anxiety and depression have long been studied. There is evidence that in small amounts caffeine can be of benefit to those with these conditions. In larger quantities it can have the opposite effect, blocking the production of happy hormones and increasing the production of stress hormones. The issue I have is that caffeine doesn’t appear to be the problem for me, I can happily drink green tea all day without issue.

It took me a long time to work out that coffee, alone, as a beverage was the thing that was fuelling my problems. Despite now knowing this, I still have the problem because I cannot easily escape my dependence on coffee. Tea does not provide the same calming effect for me, even though I also don’t get the negative effects. All in all, I need to find a middle ground, it would be foolish to think I can completely give up coffee, but for my mental state, I need to try and cut back.


Friday afternoon cinema trip 27/04/2018

This week, due to one of our group being busy on Thursday evening, we went out to the cinema on Friday. One of us had the day off of work, while the other two took a half day. The film we watched this week was Avengers: Infinity war. Despite the popularity of superhero films these days, this is actually the first one I have seen. Superhero films or fantasy franchises are not my thing and, I’m going to be honest, I didn’t enjoy this film. This may be in part due to it being the first one I have seen, as I had no prior knowledge of the characters or backstory.
I will not deny that the film was well put together, and really well acted. I did notice that towards the end there were some special effects that looked a little off, but all together it was well made.
From a social standpoint, this trip was an interesting one. After the film, we went to the pub as usual. The other two in the group have a tendency to push each other’s buttons, this day was no exception. I sometimes find it difficult to mediate when they start bickering, but I do find it quite amusing. The two of them actually get along very well, and in many respects, I think the way they argue all the time is how they keep their relationship so strong. The two of them are always telling me and my best friend to sort ourselves out and by the way they work out their differences, they are of course right.
After ignoring each other for about twenty minutes, something as simple as a two-minute cigarette break was enough to sort out whatever issues they had. If, by following their example, I can sort out my own problems with a person that I care so much about.

My best friend – part one

There is one person on this earth that is more important to me than any other. I have only known this person for just over a year, and yet, in that time they have helped me realise who I am and what I am capable of. This is someone I would do literally anything for and whom I’m sure would do the same for me.

We first met at work where she would walk past my desk every morning on the way to a meeting, me being particularly shy was not overly forthcoming with the conversation but one of my longest workmates was always there to push it along. For weeks this was the way our relationship grew, small amounts of talking between a group of people, but there was something a little different in the way the two of us would act around each other compared to with other people. Very quickly we started to talk via text or IM outside of work, and smile and wave over-enthusiastically at each other at work.

The first time we saw each other without anyone else was on a bank holiday in March 2017, I was out buying a takeaway coffee and she was in the same shopping area. I was sitting in my car drinking my coffee and enjoying some music when I saw another car pull up next to me and someone knocked on my window. There she was, smiling at me. The conversation that followed is one of the nicest I have ever had, even if she was less than impressed with the music I was listening to. Within a month of this first meetup, we were spending time outside of work together two or three times a week. At this point, I should probably mention that she is married, happily. This is not something that has ever concerned me about our relationship as I have always felt that a friendship like the one we have is about more than romance. This is not to say that I haven’t had thoughts in this area, feelings have always been evident on both sides. It is something that we have dealt with together, voiced our feelings and we both know how important we are to each other. I also know that from the point of view of her husband there is no issue. I have spent time alone with him playing sports, and we have become friends as well.

Only people who are in no way involved in the friendship seem to have had an issue with it. There appears to be an outdated and unwelcome opinion shared by many of the people we know that a man and a woman cannot be just friends. Of course, as previously mentioned there is a degree of intimacy and emotional dependency that the two of us share, but that need not lead to anything else. Unfortunately, my anxiety coupled with the meddling of others has caused a shift in my behaviour of late. Through a fear of causing trouble for her in her marriage, despite knowing that I won’t, I have become distant. Because she is not aware of the reasoning behind my change in behaviour, she has started to feel like I don’t like her anymore, which is so far the opposite of the real reason. I think the fact that she sees me behaving the same as I always have around our mutual friends, but different around her has aided this way of thinking.


Thank you for reading part 1 of my post about my best friend, I hope you have enjoyed it and will join me for part 2. If you have any comments please feel free to add them below.

Imagic 12 colours face and body paint

Read my sisters thoughts on this weird paint stuff for your body! I have no idea what it is.


For the longest time possible I Wanted to try the MUFE flash palette but I could not find it in the UK for the life of me. So, I eventually went onto amazon to try and find a dupe for it and I came across the Imagic 12 colours flash palette. I contains 10 creamy block colours, and 2 shimmer/glitter colours.

The colours can be used for multiple things, such as face painting, being used as an eyeshadow base, colour correctors, lipstick, contour, & can be mixed to create foundations.


Since buying this palette I’ve used it for colour correcting most times doing my makeup, and I’ve used it as an eyeshadow base also.


The consistency of this is creamy, and very oily so would need to be set with a powder no matter what it’s used for.  It’s well pigmented and a little goes a long way.

I feel…

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The amazing relaxation spots in Wiltshire.

This post is a part of my series looking into health and what we can do to keep ourselves healthy, while still enjoying life.

Click below to access the hub page for the health series:

A push for perfect health

20th April 2018

Every so often I like to remind myself just how amazing the county that I live in is. It is so easy to forget when you are driving past these places every day. I live less than 10 minutes from the world heritage site of Avebury, and about half an hour from Stonehenge. There is so much amazing countryside right on my doorstep, and I don’t know if I really appreciate it.

Today I went to Devizes to get a coffee and then drove to Silbury Hill to enjoy it in peace. I hope to go to one of our amazing landmarks or beauty spots after work every Friday during the coming summer.


21st April 2018

This morning I drove into Marlborough from my hometown of Calne. The drive between these two towns only takes about 20 minutes, but it takes you through some of the best countryside this country has to offer. There are no mountains or valleys, no forests, nor any vast lakes but the chalk downs, rolling fields and abundance of ancient landmarks makes it such a beautiful place. This drive between the historic market town of Calne, the place Dr Joseph Priestley was living when he discovered oxygen and the even more historic town of Marlborough, where a burial mound dating back to around 2400BC is located within the grounds of the college, is one of the most amazing drives you can take. In particular, the stretch of road that goes through Cherhill past one of Wiltshire’s many famous white horses is particularly pleasant, especially in the sun with the windows down.